Being a mother has been so much more than I thought it was going to be. I knew I always wanted to be a mother…to many children. I knew it would fulfill some part of my being. I knew it was a calling for me. I didn’t know that I’d learn so much about myself during the process of motherhood (it is a process. Believe me. It doesn’t just happen over night)!
For one, I love writing on this blog and yet I haven’t written anything in two months!! I have several drafts going about different projects we (well…my handy husband) have done around the house, cloth diaper comparisons, what’s happening in life now that Hallen isn’t a newborn, etc. I really need to find a rhythm for my life again. Hallen definitely has one with her sleep, play time, and when she eats, but I don’t really have a set routine on what to do when she’s asleep. I have yet to outline a schedule for my time. This seriously needs to happen. Dust bunnies accumulate faster than snow in Minnesota, dishes pile up higher than Dolly Parton’s hair, and my ideas are left to sit in limbo just hoping my fingers will type one day. I do actually achieve things during my day, but I’m still left wondering why I don’t do the things I really want to do.
Second, being a mother has showed me how much selfishness I still have inside of me! Getting married and seeing what a “gem” I was was no easy feat. It took time, communication, letting go of expectations I didn’t even know I had, and sacrifice. It also took a lot of wine and coffee, but we eventually figured each other out (ish…enough to love each other and still keep sane). Having a baby was just another dose of having a mirror shoved to my nose to take a closer look inside at what was really going on and what selfish desires were still manifesting. It’s a great wake up call actually! It’s a totally different kind of love than what you have for your partner, so naturally it should bring these emotions back up in a different way. I had been told this would happen. I just wasn’t sure how it would resurface. Just when I thought I was living less selfishly than my single days, throw a baby in there and I could see I was still living for myself, just in a different way.
|Looking into eyes that Kevin & I created opened my eyes to things I needed to let go of and move down the ladder.What truly matters in life is shown to me every day just a little more.|
Third, I’m one of those moms. You know…those moms that take 30+ pictures of their kids a day (modern day, social media type of moms) and want the whole world to see, because I don’t think the world should have to live a day without a dose of Hallen Amélie. I mean…she’s the cutest baby alive and no other baby does what she can, right? I digress. I definitely wear the mom lenses in life these days. I’m okay with that, though. I’ve come to peace with talking like a baby in public, poop being my subject of choice, singing about obscene, off the wall topics, rocking the mom bun daily, and dressing my little girl better than me. (She needed Ugg booties. Her wittle toesies were fuuuhhhhweezing!!) And one day, I know I’ll do what I said I never would…wear matching outfits…probably at Disney World while wearing a fashionable fanny pack.
|You mean to tell me other babies can look this cute on a yellow rug?? No. No. Don’t believe it!|
|Seriously? More pictures?|
Becoming a mother has been the most rewarding position I’ve ever been given. I hope to never take it for granted, live moment by moment not wishing for the next milestone, and to relish in all the ironic and embarrassing parts of motherhood!